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Kiedy domowa bomba wybucha… Czyli 10 sposobów na okiełznanie dziecięcego buntu.

Od kilku tygodni codziennie czekam tylko na “burzę”. Moje zmysły słuchu i wzroku są szczególnie wyczulone, a i tak najczęściej przychodzi to znienacka. Dziś już zdecydowanie wiem, czemu huragany nazywa się żeńskimi imionami…

Ostatnio jest mi bardzo ciężko. Czuję wielką bezradność, a to jedno z gorszych uczuć w moim życiu. Szczególnie boleśnie to przechodzę, gdyż przecież chodzi o dziecko. Z jednej strony wiem, że chcę i muszę coś zrobić, a z drugiej kompletnie nie umiem czegokolwiek zmienić.  

Już Ci tłumaczę, o co chodzi…

Moja mała Laurka przechodzi kryzys dwulatka (lub jak to powszechnie mówią bunt). I to taki przez duże K. Na początku myślałam, że bierze ją jakaś choroba, bo stała się drażliwa i płaczliwa. Gdy dopytywałam, mówiła, że nic jej nie boli (już pięknie łączy wyrazy). Włączyła mi się lampka ostrzegawcza. Nie byłam jednak gotowa na tak ciężkie działa. Przecież nasz pierworodny nie miał takich ataków histerii. Grymasił przy jedzeniu i spaniu, ale poza tym nic wielkiego.

Laureczka jest cudna – wesoła, pomocna, ostrożna, ale ma też swój charakterek. To chodzącą “Zosia Samosia” – wszystko musi SAMA i widać, że gdy jej działanie się powiedzie, rzeczywiście ją to cieszy. Niestety w związku z tym zaczął się też cały problem. Pewnego razu chciała nałożyć pastę na szczoteczkę (oczywiście samodzielnie) i po prostu nie umiała wycisnąć nic z tubki. Powiedziałam jej, że chcę jej pomóc, na co zaczęła krzyczeć “cie siama”. I lawina poszła. Przez pół godziny nie można było się do niej nawet dotknąć… To był dla mnie szok, bo wcześniej zawsze rzucała się w moje ramiona i po kilku chwilach było po kłopocie. Czego byśmy nie robili wszystko było źle. Spokojna rozmowa i tłumaczenie – ściana; wyjście i zostawienie jej samej (z wytłumaczeniem, że zaraz wrócę) – jeszcze większy krzyk. W końcu jakoś chyba rozumiała, że to nie ma sensu, albo po prostu się męczyła.

Przechodzimy to już od jakiś 3-4 tygodni, co dzień lub co drugi. Czasem histeria trwa 15 a czasem 45 minut. Najczęściej chodzi o coś, co wymyśli sobie w głowie, a my nie umiemy zrozumieć jej założeń (kobieta…). Jestem zrezygnowana i już bardzo tym zmęczona, czasem brak mi też cierpliwości. Uświadomiłam sobie jednak, że w takich chwilach jestem jedyną osobą, która może jej w jakikolwiek sposób pomóc.  Postanowiłam więc dogłębnie przemyśleć jak z głową postępować w tych trudnych momentach. W sytuacjach kryzysowych nie czekaj, aż problem sam się rozwiąże lub ktoś to zrobi za Ciebie. Działaj!

Sposoby na domowy kryzys:

1. SPOKÓJ I OPANOWANIE EMOCJI

Spokój i opanowanie

Wiem, że wydaje się to czasem niemożliwe, ale musisz to wypracować. Kiedy jest już ciężko do granic wytrzymałości, spróbuj pomyśleć o czymś innym, nuć sobie piosenkę w głowie albo wymyśl co jutro na obiad. Jeśli jednak nie możesz skupić się przy płaczącym maluchu, ODERWIJ SIĘ OD SYTUACJI- wystarczy wyjść z pokoju na 3 głębokie oddechy lub jak w moim przypadku krótką modlitwę (najczęściej do św. Michała Archanioła). Jest to ważne, żeby zrównoważyć w sobie emocje, ale i dać dziecku znać, że jego zachowanie jest dla nas trudne do zniesienia. Oczywiście zawsze przed taką “przerwą” trzeba wytłumaczyć maluchowi, że wychodzimy tylko na chwilę i wrócimy, jak się uspokoimy.

2. UGRYŹ SIĘ W JĘZYK, ZANIM POŻAŁUJESZ

ugryź się w język

Staraj się jak najmniej krzyczeć i podnosić głos, gdyż Maluch wcale nie rozumie co wtedy mówisz, tylko zauważa Twoje zdenerwowanie i jest jeszcze bardziej niespokojny. Powiedzmy sobie szczerze, że często aż chce się przeklinać. Staraj się robić to w myślach, by nie kodowało się dziecku. Po kilku latach to docenisz, kiedy w kłótni nie będzie rzucać do Ciebie mięsem. A kiedy ręce same Ci chodzą, by potrząsnąć (albo i coś gorszego) powiedz sobie stanowcze STOP.  

3. ROZMAWIAJ, ALE NIE STRASZ I NIE OBIECUJ

Rozmawiaj z dzieckiem

Często w ogóle ciężko przebić się przez dziecięcy płacz, żeby wcisnąć coś od siebie, ale trzeba próbować. Można mówić szeptem, może akurat przycichnie, bo będzie ciekawe co to za sekrety. Można też odłożyć rozmowę na później, kiedy będzie już trochę spokoju, ale zawsze trzeba przegadać sytuację. I jeszcze dwie ważne rzeczy – najlepiej nie straszyć dziecka w takich przypadkach zakazując mu np. bajek czy przekąsek, bo to w ogóle nie ma związku ze sprawą. A po drugie – nie obiecywać. Dla przykładu “jak się uspokoisz, to kupimy nowego misia/lale”. Maluch będzie następnym razem płakał do momentu, aż coś dostanie albo znów obiecasz jakiś gadżet.

4. ZABIERZ DZIECKO DO OSOBNEGO POMIESZCZENIA

dziecko chce spokoju

Często dzieci histeryzują w sklepie lub w miejscu publicznym. Wtedy spróbuj zabrać je do samochodu lub w kącik i tam załagodzić sprawę. Obędzie się wtedy bez wstydu przed ludźmi, ale i bez dodatkowego stresu dla Ciebie i Twojego dziecka. Tłumacz spokojnie swoje stanowisko przedstawiając logiczne argumenty. Przecież to Ty jesteś dorosła i decydujesz, co można, a czego nie potrzeba kupować. Czasami bywa nawet tak, że ktoś podejdzie, by zwrócić Ci uwagę. Wtedy niepotrzebnie możesz powiedzieć w jego stronę o wiele słów za dużo i wylać frustracje na obcego człowieka.

5. SZACUNEK ZAWSZE I WSZĘDZIE

zawsze i wszędzie

Możesz nie zauważyć, ale dziecko to też człowiek 😀 Musisz uczyć je szacunku do siebie, np. mówiąc “proszę na mnie nie krzyczeć” lub opuszczając pokój i wyjaśniając, że skoro ono nie odnosi się do Ciebie należycie, nie chcesz z nim przebywać, bo to Cię rani i krzywdzi Twoje uczucia. Działa to jednak i w drugą stronę. Ty też musisz należycie odnosić się do malucha. Wtedy kiedy nie umie opowiedzieć Ci, co je trapi i ciągle płacze, zamiast się nad nim znęcać i robić to samo co ono tylko po “dorosłemu” po prostu bądź. Zamknij buzie na kłódkę, a kiedy musisz lub chcesz się odezwać, rób to kulturalnie, łagodnie i z uśmiechem. Dziecko nie tylko umie czytać emocje z tonu głosu, ale też szybko przejmuje zachowania rodziców.

6.  ODWRÓCENIE UWAGI

Squirrel V Rodent

Postaraj się zainteresować Kociaka czymś innym. Ja np. staram się zadawać zagadki.  Mój Luby natomiast jest domowym muzykantem i albo puszcza jakąś pioseneczkę, albo gra w mruczane “jaka to melodia” :D. Naszym pociechom też ciężko się oprzeć wspólnemu oglądaniu zdjęć czy filmików w których sami są bohaterami. Ty jedna najlepiej wiesz, co Twoje dziecko zaciekawi najbardziej.

7.  PREWENCJA

zapobiegaj

Odkryłam to dziś, kiedy zaczęły się pierwsze nerwowe popiskiwania. Od razu skupiłam całą uwagę na mojej Niuni i spokojnie zapytałam, o co chodzi, bo nie rozumiem. Po czym podeszłam i wzięłam ją na kolana. Mała dość szybko się uspokoiła i zaczęła tłumaczyć, w czym rzecz. PIERWSZY SUKCES 😀

8. ZAMIENIAJ AGRESJĘ NA ZABAWĘ

paluszek gilgotek

Kiedy nasze gesty mogą zranić dziecko, próbujmy przeobrazić je w zabawę. Gdy np. grożę dzieciom palcem i kapnę się, że to je trochę przeraża, staram się przemienić to w paluszka-gilgotka. To zdecydowanie rozładowuje sytuacje 😉

9. SPÓJRZ NA SCENĘ Z BOKU

za kulisami

Czy myślałaś o swoich zachowaniach z perspektywy widza? Czy chciałabyś, żeby ktoś obcy w taki sposób postępował czy odnosił się względem Twojego dziecka? Wiem, że nasze 4 ściany często wiele potrafią ukryć, ale co by było, gdyby ich nie było? Poza tym zadaj sobie podstawowe pytanie “Czy chciałabym, żeby ktoś ZE MNĄ postępował w taki sam sposób?”.

Przykład: Upuszczasz przez przypadek talerz z jedzeniem. Mąż od razu zaczyna krzyczeć “Coś Ty zrobiła? I co będziesz teraz jadła? Pewnie zrobiłaś to specjalnie! Kto to teraz ma sprzątać? Ach! Jesteś niezdarą i tyle! Zejdź mi z oczu”. A przecież wiesz, że to było tylko niechcący, czemu on się tak od razu denerwuje, przecież możemy posprzątać to razem.  No właśnie…

10. WSPÓLNY OBÓZ Z MĘŻEM ORAZ DBANIE O INNYCH DOMOWNIKÓW

dbamy o domowników

Uważam, że najgorsze co można zrobić w takich chwilach to przerzucać frustrację na kogoś innego. Nasz syn Jaś często nie umie odnaleźć się w tych sytuacjach i co chwila przychodzi pytając, czy Laurkę coś boli. Czasami też się na nią denerwuje, że robi z igły widły. Staram się być i przy nim w takich chwilach, tłumaczyć, przytulać, uspokajać. Niestety najczęściej obrywa rykoszetem mój mąż, choć wiem, że tak być nie powinno. O tym będzie jakiś kolejny wpis, bo to temat rzeka… W każdym razie jest nad czym pracować.

Mam to szczęście, że staramy się zawsze być po jednej stronie barykady. On popiera moje stanowisko, a nawet jeśli coś mu się nie podoba, to stara się nie mówić mi o tym przy dzieciach. Dziękuję kochanie!

Podsumujmy…

Dowiedziałam się niedawno, że dzieci przechodzą 3 najważniejsze kryzysy/bunty:

2-latka, 6-latka i nastolatka (13-16 lat). Podobno dla psychiki dziecka to ten pierwszy jest najtrudniejszy. Jest tyle emocji, których nie umie nazwać ani zrozumieć, że samo czuje się źle ze sobą. Nasze reakcje mogą to potęgować lub łagodzić. Czasem trzeba się nauczyć czegoś nowego i wypróbować coś, o czym wcześniej nie myśleliśmy, żeby sprawdzić, czy zadziała.

Nie możemy zbagatelizować sytuacji. Ignorując dziecko, może ono uznać, że mamy w nosie jego potrzeby. Kiedy będzie działa mu się prawdziwa krzywda i nikt mu nie przybędzie na ratunek, pomyśli, że jest zdane tylko na siebie. Że musi sobie samo radzić z trudnościami. Ja chcę, by moje dzieci ZAWSZE miały pewność, że ich problemy są dla mnie ważne i stawimy im czoła RAZEM.

Niesamowite jest dla mnie to, że chwile po ustaniu tego tajfunu emocjonalnego Laura normalnie, jak gdyby nigdy nic, śmieje się i mówi “wsiśtko dobrze”. A my leżymy z moim ukochanym i jesteśmy psychicznie rozłożeni na łopatki…

Jednak te trudne sytuacje mogą być dla nas również piękną okazją do nauki ważnych wartości. Moja Laureczka zawsze wieczorem po takich akcjach mówi “psiasiam mama” – rozwala to moje serce. Ja też staram się przepraszać dzieci zaraz po tym, jak coś nabroję. To one dziś najbardziej uczą mnie pokory.

Ależ się rozpisałam… No dobrze, dostałaś ode mnie kilka recept. U nas na razie tęczy nie widać, ale każdy powtarza mi, że deszcz przejdzie. Tylko kiedy? I czy nie zrobię trwałej krzywdy mojemu Maleństwu? Przecież to, jak podchodzimy do dzieci teraz, koduje się im na dalsze lata życia. Dlatego walczę dalej ze spokojem, miłością, otwartymi ramionami i przede wszystkim nadzieją na lepsze jutro;)

OPCJA DLA CIEBIE

Znajdź w pamięci moment, kiedy zostałaś przez kogoś skrzywdzona słowem bądź czynem, wtedy kiedy sama miałaś jakiś kryzys. Opowiedz o tym komuś bliskiemu i wyciągnij 1 konstruktywny wniosek dla Twojego teraźniejszego życia.

To może być nie łatwe, ale my nie boimy się wyzwań! 😉

Poświęciłam sporo czasu, żeby stworzyć dla Ciebie ten wpis. Udało się! :) Teraz Twoja kolej? Pragnę, by to miejsce było NASZE, wspólne. W związku z tym, chcę przedstawić Ci kilka OPCJI jak możemy pozostać w kontakcie i ubogacać siebie nawzajem:

  • PODAJ DALEJ -> Jeśli ten tekst Ci się podoba i wnosi w Twoje życie konkretną wartość – podziel się nim ze znajomym.
  • SKOMENTUJ -> Zostaw proszę komentarz pod wpisem. Dla Ciebie to tylko chwila, a dla mnie istotna wskazówka.
  • FANPAGE -> Polub moją stronę na Facebooku, staram się często wrzucać tam drobne, życiowe wskazówki.
  • NEWSLETTER -> Zapisz się do Newslettera. Dzięki temu prosto na swoją skrzynkę, raz w miesiącu, będziesz dostawała garść świetnych pomysłów (najczęściej dotyczących związków i relacji).
  • INSTAGRAM -> Możesz śledzić mnie na Instagramie, gdzie oprócz wielu fajnych fotek (nie tylko moich dzieciaczków), znajdziesz całą masę ciekawych myśli i codziennych inspiracji.

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