NIE WIESZ W CO ZAINWESTOWAĆ? ROMANTYZM NAJBARDZIEJ CI SIĘ OPŁACI!

Kiedy ostatni raz wypowiedziałaś słowo “ROMANTYCZNIE”? Może było to niedawno w kierunku męża, gdy dziękowałaś mu za miły wieczór. A może żaliłaś się koleżance, że już dawno wygasł on w Twojej relacji z partnerem. Myślałaś o nim, kiedy byłaś w parku i z zazdrością patrzyłaś na piękną parę, kiedy on właśnie przyszedł do niej z naręczem polnych kwiatów, a ona czule i z radością go pocałowała. Tęskniłaś za nim, czytając dziecku po raz kolejny bajkę o Kopciuszku.

Czy wiesz, że ponad 70% kobiet, które są w związku, zapytane o romantyczne gesty ze strony partnera odpowiedziały, że już od dawna ich NIE MA? Dlaczego tak jest? Miłość ma swoje etapy i oczywiste jest, że gdy się poznajemy, pragniemy okazywać uczucia na wszelkie możliwe sposoby. Jesteśmy w tym bardzo kreatywni i nieznane są nam granice. Kiedy po około 2 latach emocje i hormony ustępują, zostaje zwyczajność, która w porównaniu do poprzedniego czasu zdaje się szara i nieatrakcyjna. Jednak co później, po ślubie, kiedy miłość przechodzi w fazę stałości, codzienności?! Czy musi być tak, iż z chwilą decyzji, że ONA to ta jedyna, a ON to ten na zawsze, czułe gesty i młodzieńcze zaskoczenia mijają? Dlaczego romantyzm przypisuje się tylko osobom młodym i początkującym w związkach? Przecież jest to sprawa naprawdę wielkiej wagi. Dzięki romantyczności związek jakby iskrzy. To właśnie te gesty pokazują, że komuś zależy.

Więc co to w ogóle jest ten ROMANTYZM W RELACJI?

To chwile i momenty, słowa, myśli i czyny. Tak naprawdę, kiedy mówimy o romantyczności, rzadko jest to opis wspaniałej randki, a częściej utyskiwanie, że “mój facet już nie jest taki romantyczny jak kiedyś”. Co dosłownie znaczy “poświęca mi zbyt mało uwagi”. Właśnie! Jest to uwaga i skupienie swoich myśli i działań na drugiej osobie. To zaskoczenia i uśmiechy. To nie tylko wielkie i niesłychane niespodzianki, a codzienne, drobne gesty miłości.

!! Ważne !! -> oddzielmy romantyzm dużą kreską od miłości. Jeśli nie ma romantyzmu, uczucia miłości czy przyjaźni też są możliwe. Miłość rodzica do dziecka czy na odwrót wcale nie jest romantyczna, a przecież przewyższa wszystkie góry świata. Więc dlaczego tak znamienną wagę przywiązujemy do romantyzmu w związkach? Ponieważ on (romantyzm) sam w sobie nie jest miłością, ale w miłości partnerskiej jest szalenie ważny i potrzebny. Dodaje świeżości i rozbudza namiętność, bez której związek istnieć nie może. Dzięki romantyzmowi czujemy się dobrze i wyjątkowo. Mamy poczucie, że jesteśmy dla kogoś ważni i szczególni, warci starań i adoracji. A każdy lubi być zauważony i doceniony.

Musimy zdać sobie sprawę z podstawowej różnicy między kobietą i mężczyzną:

KOBIETA POTRZEBUJE ROMANTYZMU NA CO DZIEŃ, BY CZUĆ SIĘ KOCHANA I ATRAKCYJNA. MĘŻCZYZNA POTRZEBUJE ROMANTYZMU I ZADBA O NIEGO, BO WIE, ŻE TO MOŻE PROWADZIĆ DO ZBLIŻENIA INTYMNEGO.

Nie chcę trywializować, ale tak po prostu bywa w większości przypadków.

Mężczyźni nie mają naszych charakterów, myśli i zachowań. Większość nie ma takiej wrażliwości i uczuciowości, a co za tym idzie romantyzmu, którego my tak oczekujemy. Czy to znaczy, że są źli, gorsi? Są zupełnie inni, często opiekuńczy, stanowczy oraz ambitni i przecież również dlatego ich kochamy. Nie da się napisać im scenariusza życia, bo to nie romantyczny film (choć ja sama je po prostu uwielbiam), tylko prawdziwe życie, które warto przejść razem. A co nam przeszkadza właśnie normalnie żyć, bez mrzonek i sentymentalizmu, bez ciągłych pretensji, że on już się o mnie nie stara? Wpojone przez bajki i filmy SCHEMATY, które każą nam tęsknić za nieosiągalnym (czekać na pocałunek, który nas przebudzi czy śmiałka, który zawalczy ze smokiem), zamiast cieszyć się tym, co mamy.

Tak, wiem, że każda z nas w jakimś stopniu chciałaby być Baby z Dirty Dancing albo Allie z “Pamiętnika”. Sama łapię się na nostalgię przy słuchaniu ckliwych i miłosnych utworów. Ale również lubię stać twardo na ziemi i daleko bardziej cenię sobie stałość uczuć mojego męża, jego zainteresowanie i poświęconą mi uwagę niż krótkotrwałe emocje i przelotne namiętności. Pragnę wiedzieć, że każdego nowego dnia to ja będę dla niego całym światem i nie musi w tym celu podjeżdżać białym rumakiem pod okna domu z miłosną pieśnią na ustach. Wystarczy mi uśmiech i miłe słowo “jak Ci się spało, kochanie?” o poranku, wspólny czas wieczorem, miły SMS, gdy wyjeżdża w delegację. Małe, drobne gesty, które potwierdzają, że po prostu mu zależy. Nie byłabym sobą, jeśli nie wspomniałabym, że i ja od czasu do czasu lubię być zaskoczona “czymś więcej”. Uwielbiam niespodzianki, wycieczki i w sumie wszystko, co robimy razem. Zawsze takie chwile wiele dla mnie znaczą i dodają mi wiary, że nasz domowy romantyzm przez duże R jednak istnieje 🙂

Każdej kobiecie zależy w sumie na jednym: BY MĘŻCZYZNA TRAKTOWAŁ JĄ TAK, JAK ONA TEGO PRAGNIE. I wielu mężczyzn zrobiłoby wszystko, by oczy jego kobiety zapłonęły blaskiem na myśl o wspólnym wyjściu czy przygotowanej niespodziance. A jeszcze więcej, by ten blask utrzymać na dłużej, jeśli nie na zawsze. Jednak zwyczajnie nie wiedzą jak tego dokonać. A tak szczerze mówiąc, jest to zaskakująco proste. W przypadku bycia romantycznym liczy się przede wszystkim pomysł i jego realizacja. Warto poświęcić szczególną uwagę na to, co partnerowi przynosi przyjemność i zadowolenie. Pisałam już o tym w artykule o 5 językach miłości – ciekawe jak Wam ta wiedza wychodzi w praktyce, bo w tej kwestii będzie to duża pomoc.

Romantyzm w małżeństwie?! TAK, POPROSZĘ! TYLKO JAK? A na przykład tak:

1. WSPÓLNY CZAS TYLKO WE DWOJE

ŻEBY SIĘ OD SIEBIE NIE ODDALIĆ TRZEBA CZĘSTO BYĆ BLISKO. Szczególnie warto o to zadbać, by po morderczej 8 czy nawet 10 godzinnej pracy wrócić do domu i poświęcić czas dla tej drugiej osoby. By w małżeństwie dbać o JAKOŚĆ tej relacji. Choroba naszych czasów: brak czasu. Jednak dla chcącego, nic trudnego?!
Pary wychowujące dzieci muszą włożyć więcej wysiłku, by znaleźć dla siebie czas. Bywa tak, że z braku pomocy ciągamy dzieci wszędzie ze sobą i cieszymy się, że nasze życie rodzinne jest udane, lecz jednocześnie nasze małżeńskie wcale nie musi takie być. Dlatego w szczególny sposób trzeba poszukać okazji, by znaleźć czas tylko dla siebie nawzajem (a i dla dzieci będzie to miało długoterminową korzyść).

Razem możemy iść po prostu na spacer, do kina czy na wspólną kolację. Albo zrobić coś razem, np. zapisać się na kurs tańca czy skoczyć ze spadochronem (level hard). Spróbuj zadbać też o cykliczność i na stałe wpisać randkowanie do swojego kalendarza.
Warto pomyśleć o jakiejś długoterminowej (w sensie stałej i regularnej, a nie odległej w czasie) zespołowej aktywności. Czymś, co obojgu Wam sprawi przyjemność. Niech to będzie wspólny trening lub nauka języka, a może przejażdżki rowerowe albo basen.

Większość ludzi twierdzi “przecież i tak spędzamy dużo czasu ze sobą w domu”. Nie dajcie się zwieść, takie zwykłe bycie obok siebie nie wniesie romantyzmu do Waszego związku. Można być obok siebie, ale wcale nie ze sobą.
Potrzeba czasu, poświęcenia, otwarcia się na drugą osobę i przede wszystkim spokoju, by nikt nie przeszkadzał Wam być po prostu razem.

2. WYJĄTKOWE POMYSŁY Z MYŚLĄ O DRUGIEJ OSOBIE

Spróbuj przy myśleniu o rozpoczynającym się miesiącu zaplanować coś specjalnego dla swojego partnera. Niech to będzie coś szczególnego, ale związanego z tym, co lubi lub czym się interesuje. Przy okazji będziesz rozwijać swoją kreatywność, a to w związku (i nie tylko)  jest cenione ponad wszystko.  

Może to być konkretny plan na randkę z uwzględnieniem tego, o czym pisałam powyżej w 1 punkcie. Jak również szczególny prezent albo niespodzianka, np. w postaci karteczek w całym domu z wyznaniami miłości i komplementami. Zaplanowanie wycieczki. Całujcie się w windzie, zaproponuj wieczorem odprężający masaż, zróbcie razem coś pierwszy raz. Wybierzcie się na piknik czy wskoczcie do jeziora, trzymając się za ręce.

Myślisz, że czas przygód i nowych doznań już minął? Oszalałaś! ZAWSZE JEST DOBRY CZAS, BY DOKONAĆ CZEGOŚ NOWEGO, A TYM LEPIEJ, JEŚLI CHCECIE I MOŻECIE ZROBIĆ TO RAZEM – to będzie iskra, która rozpalać będzie Wasz związek.

Daj się ponieść wyobraźni i entuzjazmowi. Od czasu do czasu zrób takie WOW dla kogoś. Wszystko jest dozwolone, jeśli oboje czerpiecie z tego radość.

3. KOMPLEMENTY I ROZMOWA

O czym najczęściej rozmawiacie z mężem? O pracy? O dzieciach? O innych ludziach czy przyjaciołach? Jeśli chcesz, by Twój partner zbliżył się do Ciebie i czuł się kochany, dziel się z nim swoimi przeżyciami, myślami i emocjami. Szczególnie tymi pozytywnymi, które dotyczą jego samego. Jak często ja sama łapię się na tym, że myślę jaki mój mąż jest przystojny, a rzadko powiem mu to na głos. Albo docenianie… Przecież on tyle robi (mimo tego wszystkiego, czego nie robi), że warto mu to po prostu powiedzieć i podziękować.

USŁYSZEĆ SIEBIE NAWZAJEM TO SZTUKA, PRZY KTÓREJ TRZEBA SKUPIENIA I OTWARTOŚCI. Trudne bywa zaprzestanie dyskusji o dzieciach, ale dopiero szczere mówienie o swoich potrzebach i odkrywanie tajemnic tej drugiej osoby przyniesie autentyczną bliskość. Znajdźcie czas na rozmowę o sobie nawzajem.

I uświadom sobie, że człowiek z czasem się zmienia. Nie przestawaj pytać partnera co myśli na dany temat i jak czuje się przy konkretnych rzeczach, nawet jeśli wydaje Ci się, że wiesz. To, co lubimy, często zostaje z nami od dzieciństwa do lat starości, choćby przez sentyment, ale nasze opinie i emocje dorastają i dojrzewają wraz z nami. Jeśli zaprzestaniesz ciekawości i pytań możesz przegapić o wiele więcej niż myślisz…

Romantyzm może być równie dobrze wypowiedziany, nie tylko pokazany. Mów swojemu partnerowi jak bardzo cieszysz się tym małżeństwem oraz wymieniaj często te cechy, które w nim cenisz. Być może uwielbiasz dźwięk jego śmiechu, to jak ambitnie podchodzi do powierzonych mu zadań, a może po prostu to jak mówi Ci dobranoc. Zamieńmy krytykanctwo i punktowanie wad w głębokie i szczere wyznania miłości.

“Miłe słowa są jak plaster miodu, słodkie dla duszy i zdrowe dla ciała.”

4. ADORACJA

Kto nie lubi krótkich SMS-ów o treści “Tęsknię” albo “Myślę o Tobie”. To właśnie te  małe przemyślane znaki, że ukochana osoba jest ciągle w Twoim umyśle, sprawiają, że dzień jest jakiś lepszy i piękniejszy. Kluczem jest, by wyrażać to w sposób szczery i delikatny, a nie jako jedną z wielu rzeczy z listy czynności do wykonania i odhaczenia.

ADOROWAĆ SIEBIE NAWZAJEM MOŻNA W RÓŻNY SPOSÓB, ALE KOBIETY NAPRAWDĘ TO LUBIĄ. Każda z nas pragnie być podrywana, podziwiana, po prostu budzić zainteresowanie. Płeć piękna patrzy z podziwem na mężczyznę, który uwodzi w szarmancki sposób. Kiedy podsunie krzesło przy siadaniu do stołu czy poda płaszcz i jeszcze do tego otworzy drzwi do auta. Nie pozwoli dźwigać ciężkich zakupów i wieczorem podczas spaceru zapyta, czy nie jest jej za zimno. Często faceci mówią “nie myślę o tym, to nie jest przecież takie ważne”. Może faktycznie to nie zmieni biegu Ziemi, ale może warto zacząć, by zmieniło bieg w relacji? Tak naprawdę bardzo łatwo jest być myślącym i uważnym, kiedy już raz się zacznie. A takie gentlemańskie zachowanie wzbudzi uwielbienie nie tylko u ukochanej, ale i u wszystkich innych kobiet, tego jestem pewna.

Oprócz mówienia komplementów i stwarzania magicznej atmosfery przez świece, muzykę czy dotyk, można drobnymi znakami okazywać fascynację. Spojrzeniem pełnym podziwu i gestami ciała (wpatrywanie się w siebie, kciuk do góry, uniesione brwi i potakiwanie głową) czy pochwyceniem w ramiona i pocałunkami. Wspólnym czytaniem wierszy czy śpiewaniem piosenki do ucha. Pojechaniem razem w znajome miejsca i nadanie im nowego sensu przez wspomnienia i wychwalanie dawnych czasów. Historię tworzymy teraźniejszością 😉

Zastanów się, jak sama chciałabyś być adorowana i wypróbuj tego na swoim partnerze, może mu się spodoba.

5. DBANIE O SIEBIE

Kochana! JEŻELI TY NIE WŁOŻYSZ ODROBINY WYSIŁKU W SWÓJ WYGLĄD I SCHLUDNY UBIÓR NIE OCZEKUJ, ŻE ON SIĘ BĘDZIE DLA CIEBIE STARAŁ. Dla mężczyzn wygląd jest integralną częścią kobiety, są w tym względzie wzrokowcami i lubią zadbane i pachnące niewiasty. Jeśli ta sfera będzie Ci obojętna, to Twój partner będzie miał problem w spojrzeniu na Ciebie w sposób romantyczny.

Często tłumaczymy się chęcią swobody w domowych warunkach, ale oddasz wielką przysługę swojemu małżeństwu, zwracając uwagę na higienę osobistą i ubiór. Pokaż mu w ten sposób, że chcesz starać się dla niego. Kiedy to zauważy czy pochwali i Ty będziesz czuła się lepiej.


Bądź mądrą kobietą i doceniaj to, co mąż Ci ofiaruje. Wchodź w interakcję. Nie bądź obojętna. Niech te wszystkie dowody miłości Ci nie powszednieją. Ucz się cieszyć z wszystkiego, co otrzymujesz, a łatwiej Ci będzie o wzajemność i dawanie. Bo te gesty są (powinny być) wymienne. To nie tylko panowie mają o nas zabiegać. Jeśli nie ma wymiany, nie ma związku. Nie traktuj Twojej drugiej połówki jako pewnika czy kogoś zwyczajnego w Twoim życiu. To Ty sama nadajesz mu rangę wyjątkowości.

Nie zapędź się jednak też w drugą stronę, bo “co za dużo, to nie zdrowo”. Jeśli co dzień będziesz chciała dawać i oczekiwała wielkich gestów romantyzmu, on po prostu straci swoją wartość. Jak wszystko, czego używamy za często. Ile razy można się cieszyć z codziennie otrzymywanego bukietu kwiatów?! Miej rozwagę i dawkuj odpowiednio, żeby Twój partner nie przestraszył się, że wasza relacja stała się dla Ciebie swego rodzaju obsesją.

Romantyzm nie musi Cię dużo kosztować – ani czasu, ani wysiłku, ani też pieniędzy. Twoje gesty będą odczytane jako romantyczne, kiedy włożysz w nie serce i poświęcisz największą uwagę na to, co lubi ta druga strona. Nie muszą to być wielkie rzeczy i wspaniałe czyny, za które dostaniesz puchar. To nie ma być coś na pokaz czy zasługującego na pochwałę. Wystarczy, że wracając z pracy do domu, pomyślisz, z czego ucieszyłaby się Twoja ukochana osoba i wprowadzisz tę myśl w czyn. Coś, dzięki czemu będziecie się do siebie uśmiechać i w Waszych spojrzeniach zagości więcej szczerej czułości.

OPCJA NA MIŁOŚĆ

Zaplanuj w najbliższym tygodniu lub miesiącu coś naprawdę romantycznego dla swojego partnera. Nawet jak będzie niechętny, nie poddawaj się i zmobilizuj go do zaangażowania i przyjęcia Twojego daru. A najlepiej – zaskocz go!

Poświęciłam sporo czasu, żeby stworzyć dla Ciebie ten wpis. Udało się! :) Teraz Twoja kolej? Pragnę, by to miejsce było NASZE, wspólne. W związku z tym, chcę przedstawić Ci kilka OPCJI jak możemy pozostać w kontakcie i ubogacać siebie nawzajem:

  • PODAJ DALEJ -> Jeśli ten tekst Ci się podoba i wnosi w Twoje życie konkretną wartość – podziel się nim ze znajomym.
  • SKOMENTUJ -> Zostaw proszę komentarz pod wpisem. Dla Ciebie to tylko chwila, a dla mnie istotna wskazówka.
  • FANPAGE -> Polub moją stronę na Facebooku, staram się często wrzucać tam drobne, życiowe wskazówki.
  • NEWSLETTER -> Zapisz się do Newslettera. Dzięki temu prosto na swoją skrzynkę, raz w miesiącu, będziesz dostawała garść świetnych pomysłów (najczęściej dotyczących związków i relacji).
  • INSTAGRAM -> Możesz śledzić mnie na Instagramie, gdzie oprócz wielu fajnych fotek (nie tylko moich dzieciaczków), znajdziesz całą masę ciekawych myśli i codziennych inspiracji.

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